Should I Leave My Relationship?

The short answer is, I don’t know. Nor is it my job as a therapist to tell you what to do. I know, I know — probably not what you want to hear.

But here are some questions that often help you find that answer for yourself:

• Do I want to keep living like this?

• Is this the kind of love I want my kids to learn from?

• Is my partner open to my influence?

• Do I find myself abandoning what I want/need in order to make this relationship function?

• Have I given up on being heard?

• If my partner couldn’t speak, would their behavior keep me in this relationship?

• Can I tolerate being loved like this for the rest of my life?

• Am I excusing behavior I vowed would be a deal breaker?

• Is this relationship meeting my needs or am I meeting theirs & calling it love?

• Am I more afraid of life changing than I am drawn to being with them?

• Would I choose this relationship again?

Yours answers to these support radical clarity and acceptance — either finding a way forward, with your partner, or finding the courage to let go. And therapy helps with that.

** If there is interpersonal violence in your relationship, my answer is always leave (with a safety plan) and I will be direct about telling you that. If you need support or resources, please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline https://www.thehotline.org