What are Boundaries?

Boundaries are the personal limits and standards you set in your relationships that protect your well-being and allow for healthy inter-connectedness. They both protect you and contain you.

Protective boundaries are what you hold to keep yourself safe. Think of these as the fence around your yard — what will you allow in?

Containing boundaries are those that govern your own behavior and keep you from violating someone else’s boundaries. Think of these as the fence that keeps you in your own yard.

There are six areas of boundaries:

Physical: these include personal space and physical touch. These boundaries will vary depending on the setting, the relationship, and your comfort level.

Sexual: this includes not only physical touch but verbal expression as well. These boundaries require explicit consent.

Intellectual: these boundaries refer to thoughts and ideas. They support the notion that you are allowed to have an opinion and can think differently than another person. Both are valid.

Emotional: these are related to feelings and, like intellectual boundaries, can be different from someone else’s and still valid.

Material: these boundaries are about possessions, and the respect given to the treatment of belongings.

Time: this is about the use of time, how it’s managed, and how others are allowed to use it.

Relationships can become really challenging when boundaries aren’t aligned or if you struggle to enact a consequence after a boundary has been violated.

If you have difficulty identifying what your boundaries are, how to assert them, or you can recognize that you often push through others’ boundaries, therapy can help.

*My favorite resource for boundaries is Nedra Glover Tawwab’s book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace